I Formed a Party with a Girl via an Adventurer Matching App - Chapter 22

 Nothing But a Simple Maid

"The one thing I wish for you to avoid misunderstanding is that I did not travel all this way out of pure spite toward my lady. I am simply worried about her welfare, and out of a humble sense of duty, I am merely offering a piece of strict advice."

"I-I mean, sure…… but come on!"

Though completely overwhelmed by the terrifying aura radiating from Susie, I couldn't just sit here with my mouth shut, so I interjected from the side.

"It’s true that Cordelia doesn't have a lot of real-world experience! But she and I have already teamed up and completed several actual crawls, and we've made it back here in one piece every single time!"

"You were incredibly lucky, I imagine."

"That is a ridiculous load of crap!"

"Alternatively, it implies that you…… that Lord Kent is an extraordinarily seasoned elite, but……"

Whoosh.

Another sudden gale swept violently through the room. The exact millisecond the alarm bells went off in my brain, a cold, metallic sensation bit sharply into the skin of my throat.

Right in front of my face was Susie’s surprisingly well-proportioned visage. She had closed the distance so effortlessly that I could clearly map out the exact shape of the beauty marks near her eye and lip.

And pressed tightly against my neck—evidently retrieved from beneath her heavy skirt just like before—was a massive pair of sewing shears.

"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! It's cutting me! It's actually cutting me!"

"Oh. My deepest, most sincere apologies."

"What do you mean, 'apologies'?! You're supposed to stop a hair's breadth away to make it a threat! Why did you actually drive the point into me?!"

"You are a vile insect swarming around my lady, so I figured it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to simply exterminate you right now."

"What do you think human life is?! You used a tiny sewing pin on Cordelia, but you upgrade to full-blown industrial fabric shears for me?!"

"When it comes to cleanly severing a carotid artery, a larger blade provides vastly superior mechanical efficiency, you see."

"Save the casual geometry lesson for after you pull back the shears! I am terrified! Seriously terrified!"

"……………………"

"Why the hell are you contemplating it?! Look, with how ridiculously strong you are, you could easily assassinate me whenever you want anyway! There's no harm in backing off for literally five seconds!"

"I suppose that is a valid point."

Thanks to a thoroughly pathetic, unrefined display of begging for my life, Susie finally relented and pulled the heavy shears away from my throat.

I frantically clutched my neck with my hand, but fortunately, she had only firmly pressed the tip against my skin; there didn't seem to be any actual bleeding.

As I let out a massive sigh of relief, Susie shot me a cold, utterly condescending look of absolute disdain.

"……I completely misjudged you. It appears that you are entirely weak as well."

No. The truth was simple.

Susie was just strong. Absurdly, terrifyingly strong.

Even though it was a painfully obvious setup, she hadn't given me a single millisecond to sense her bloodlust. I hadn't even been able to visually track the physical mechanics of her lunging forward; before I could blink, both Cordelia and I had been instantaneously neutralized.

This woman named Susie. When it came to pure, unadulterated combat prowess, she was an absolute monster.

"Who the hell…… are you, exactly?"

As the question involuntarily leaked from my lips, Susie offered an answer with total nonchalance.

"Even if you demand to know my identity, I am nothing more than a simple housemaid. ……I am merely a regular maid who happens to have previously belonged to the state's direct covert assassination squad. Alongside my standard domestic duties, I also double as a personal bodyguard tasked with protecting my lady from harm, but that is the absolute extent of it."

She says that like it's a completely casual Tuesday afternoon.

Judging by her catastrophic combat output, it would be vastly more accurate to say she was a lethal assassin who occasionally did light dusting on the side.

"At any rate, this should make the reality of your situation perfectly clear, shouldn't it? As it stands, the two of you are nothing but absolute trash who cannot even begin to measure up to a simple maid."

Entirely indifferent to the cold sweat pouring down my spine, Susie continued to lecture us in a flat, even tone.

"Therefore, let us have a quick question. If you insist on pursuing a career as adventurers with such a half-baked, mediocre level of ability…… what do you think will ultimately happen to the two of you?"

Standing proudly on top of our low coffee table, Susie looked down upon us with supreme, arrogant authority. But because we had been completely and utterly dismantled before her, we were in absolutely no position to offer a counterargument.

"I am deeply aware of your personal feelings, my lady. Your grand dream of becoming an adventurer is a thoroughly wonderful sentiment, to be sure. However, I am the maid tasked with serving your household. ……And there is nothing more profoundly distasteful to me than watching you walk blindly into your own demise, is there?"

Susie's words flowed smoothly, an uninterrupted torrent of logic. She had clearly judged that the outcome of this confrontation was already a foregone conclusion. Even so, she didn't display a single sliver of carelessness, keeping her awareness firmly locked onto our every single movement.

I swallowed hard, my throat making an audible clicking sound as I glanced over at Cordelia next to me. I could see her features stiffening under the immense tension. Her long eyelashes trembled subtly, her breathing shallow and controlled.

When I gave her a firm, decisive nod, Cordelia apparently found her resolve as well. In perfect unison, the two of us stood up together and locked our eyes directly onto Susie.

"Oh? Realizing that you stand absolutely no chance in a one-on-one engagement, you've decided to coordinate a simultaneous assault together…… is that it? I see, I see. What a thoroughly well-thought-out strategy. Look at you using your brains, how incredibly impressive."

Remaining balanced atop the coffee table, Susie offered a slow, thoroughly unenthusiastic round of sarcastic applause.

"Did you honestly convince yourselves that even a pair of low-tier trash could manage to defeat me if you simply huddled close together and cooperated? ……How utterly adorable."

Letting out a sharp, mocking snort, Susie cast a fleeting, sideways glance down at our stance.

Both Cordelia and I dropped into a mid-level combat crouch, our hands completely bare. The message that we had absolutely no intention of backing down had undoubtedly been delivered to her loud and clear.

Letting out a massive, theatrical sigh, she spoke with a thoroughly bored expression.

"Very well. If the two of you somehow manage to force me to say the words 'I surrender'…… then, and only then, will I formally recognize the both of you as legitimate adventurers. Oh, and as an added bonus, I wouldn't mind performing a full-body naked kowtow before you to offer my sincerest apologies for all of my previous disrespect. Though, of course, such an outcome is an absolute physical impossibility."

Prev            TOC            Next